To central NC, Maryland, and beyond!

How did FOUR months go by since my last post?!?!? WOW! Well, they have been busy months (as you will hear), so there was less time to spend on the blog. Another reasonthis post is so late in coming is that I'm having trouble uploading pictures on here. It's been frustrating, so I just keep procrastinating the event. And now so much time has passed that there are SO many pictures and stories that I'm having trouble deciding. But I'll do what I can! (You'll find a handful of pictures at the bottom of this post. And a whole lot more- with explanations- if you go to http://picasaweb.google.com/jaston1 )

Let me think what happened back in March...well, the Carolina Tarheels won the NCAA NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS!!! I was excited! I mean I actually "watched" most of the UNC tourney games (i.e. had the game on in the background while I did something else). Toby was psuedo aware, was forced to watch a little bit of a game or two. And we both wore our Tarheel blue in pride that month :) Of course it would have been a WHOLE lot more fun with Anton here to get us involved. But I tried.

March weather around here is fickle. But it was so joyful to watch everything turn green again! And then the flowers started to bloom, and the weather warmed up (more consistently) and everything felt fresh and alive. I really love the beauty of the forests and mountains around us.

In April we traveled to the Chapel Hill / Raleigh area for Easter. We visited with my sister and her husband (and their two doggies which Toby loves, and one actually feels fondly about him too). We talked, played, dyed Easter eggs, and just enjoyed time with them. We also saw Anton's family. Went to an Easter egg hunt with Toby's cousins (which lasted a whole two minutes, but the Easter bunny was there so I guess that made up for it), shared some Easter treats, and celebrated Christ's resurrection with them. It was a great visit!

During the month of May we spent almost as much time on the road as we did at home! The first event was going to Anton's sister's, Anya, graduation from UNC-Pembroke. I am proud to say that my sister-in-law graduated from UNC-P with HONORS, with a Social Work degree, while being a fabulous single mother to her two daughters, and working!!! It was a true blessing to rejoice in her accomplishments and hard work!

Then we traveled to Charlotte one weekend for a reunion with some of my college friends who were part of InterVarsity. It was such fun to see some old faces, and to be almost outnumbered by our kids!! It was strange that Anton wasn't there though, he was greatly loved by that community. We also spent some time with two families that we knew in seminary. Now with careers and children (reminds me that we aren't getting any younger!), we enjoyed the fellowship.

At the end of May Toby and I made the nine hour drive to Maryland (first time by ourselves)! Thankfully by that time Toby had learned to be quite a good car-traveler. We listened to music and stories, he did little games (like dot-to-dot, matching, mazes...), drew pictures, looked around, we talked, nibbled on food, and when he got too restless the portable DVD player would save the day!! We split the trip up over two days, and it went remarkably well. Anyways, we went all that way to spend some time with our dear friends up "north", and to witness our friend Cortney get married! It was the first wedding that Toby was really old enough to grasp, and he had a LOT of questions ("Weren't they already married? Why are they getting married? Are you married? When will I get married? Will I marry you, Mommy?"). It was beautiful, and lovely to see Cortney as a bride. We got to spend some quality time with several other good friends too. We went to church at Grace, I saw some old work buddies, we hit a few favorite eateries, and then it was time to come home. Our trip was cut short so we didn't get to see everybody that we had planned to, but we'll be back I'm sure!!

Then on to June...the biggest event was that Toby's three cousins came to visit for a whole week! It has been an annual tradition to have Jazzmine (age 11), Taylor (age 10), and Nautika (age 9) spend a week with us during the summer and participate in our church's Bible camp program. Because of our move last summer we weren't able to have them come, I was SO glad to restart it again this year! It was such a good time, and I'm quite sure it was the highlight of Toby's summer. We enjoyed lots of fun things around town (the local children's science museum, swimming, the Biltmore house, the library), at home (reading together, Slip-N-Slide, cooking and eating good food) and at church (singing, crafts, performing, serving). Toby was really sad when they left, and has asked numerous times when we will see them again.

And finally July...there are two major things I want to share. First off, my house in Maryland (you know, the one you have been praying will get sold), is under contract, Hallelujah!!!!! We have made it through the home inspection and are scheduled to close in early August. Please pray that all would go smoothly through settlement, and that my friends, who are renting the house now, will find a great place to live, quickly! Although there will be a good deal of money lost on that house (due to buying it at the height of market, and selling it at a low), it is a fair offer and I am very grateful. God has provided well for us, and He will continue to do so.

Secondly, and as an example of His provision, just last week I was offered a 20 hour a week, benefited, part-time position at my job!!! It would be Monday through Thursday 9:30am to 3pm. I wasn't looking for a change, but it came about because a nurse resigned, and I have been a good fit in the office, so they asked if I would consider it (just as a reminder, I work at an Oncology office in the treatment area giving chemotherapy and other treatments). I haven't accepted it yet, but I'm considering it heavily. The consistency of hours and benefits would be great, and I really do enjoy the people and work. Toby will be in preschool again this year (his Nov 3rd birthday doesn't meet the cutoff), but will go Mon-Fri in the mornings. So he would go to the baby sitter's in the afternoons. I would miss the freedom we have in our schedule now (to spend time with friends and family, and travel), and extra time with him before he starts kindergarten. But this is a wonderful opportunity and I'm not sure I should pass it up. I'm thinking and praying through it.

Over these last months Western North Carolina has felt more and more like home. We have celebrated several friends birthdays, enjoyed Mother's and Father's day with family, become members of our church (Trinity Presbyterian), helped out when family or friends were ill or needed help, been glad to get home after trips, and even unpacked a few more boxes :)

Toby is doing well too. As active and social as ever! But has matured and grown more responsible recently (do NOT equate that with perfect!!). His newest passion is for anything Star Wars. He hasn't seen any of the movies yet, but has a couple of Star Wars toys that have peaked his interest. He started asking lots of questions (who's that? are they on the dark side of light side? where do they live? what do they do?...) so I got a couple of books to help explain it to him (since I don't remember much about them). Well, he's hooked!! I often find him reenacting scenes and stories (from the movies he's never scene, with his stuffed animals since he doesn't own any figurines, poor kid). It's just such a guy thing, all the unusual characters, space ships, weapons, it's like another culture. I've got to get up to speed on this other world!! Toby is quick to ask any unsuspecting person (mostly male) what they know about Star Wars. One day he'll get to watch the actual movie!

He's been fascinated and very interested in outer space. We've been reading about the solar system and stuff. On one of our recent car trips Toby asked "When are we going to go to space?!" Kind like wondering why we haven't been there yet, since we were traveling so much. I explained to him that you can't just go to space, you have to be an astronaut to do that, it takes special training and it's actually some one's job. The light bulbs went off in his little four and a HALF year old head and he joyfully said "I know what I'm going to be when I grow up!!! An ASTRONAUT!!! I'm going to go up to space!!!". We talked delightfully for a few minutes about what fun that will be! Then he said, "Well, I might not be an astronaut.". I was perplexed at his sudden turn of thought so I asked "Why not?!?". He said soberly, but not sadly, "Because that might not be what God wants me to be. And I'm going to be what God wants me be. Because He already knows what I'll be.". That response sure surprised me! I don't know where he got such wisdom, but I pray he will always trust and follow God's leading!!!!

Till next time (hopefully sooner than this time)!

Sweet and sour February to March madness

I gotta say, last week was one of the STRANGEST weeks of weather I've ever experienced! Last Sunday (the first day of March) it started snowing and snowed a good 5 inches or so (and as you can see, the squirrels found our bird feeder and took advantage of some free food!). We were in snow boots and winter jackets. Schools were cancelled, roads were covered in ice, and there was a snowman around every corner.

Throughout the week it has steadily gotten warmer. And then this weekend the temps topped out to almost 80 degrees!!! Toby and I were at the park yesterday in short sleeves, and I got sunburned. We have been wearing shorts around the house with every window open. Does it seem right for the weather to change THAT drastically in 5 days?!?!?!?

I'm not complaining though. The snow was so peaceful to watch, and the kiddos really enjoyed playing in it (it was wet snow, good for building stuff). Then it melted quickly, and I have loved feeling the warm sun, and having the fresh air blow through the house. I know it will get cold again, but it's been nice to have a taste of early spring :) In college I once told Anton (in response to his persistent and loving way of checking in on my walk with Christ) that I tend to feel closer to God when the sun is shining. Like I can FEEL His mercy and goodness being poured out on me. That's what it has felt like this weekend. A physical manifestation of God's continual flow of grace and blessing.

The month of February was pretty uneventful, and yet somehow seemed to pass so quickly! I have worked a lot the last few weeks (Mon-Fri the last two weeks). It's been great to feel more comfortable there, and get to know my co-workers better. It's also great to have a couple of good paychecks! I have continued to enjoy the work, and feel thankful for it.

I've missed spending as much time with Toby though. And I think he's even missed me too. Although he has had a great time at the babysitter's, he and her three year old daughter are practically like siblings now! I'm looking forward to enjoying outings together again, spending time with friends and watching him learn and grow as we share life together. I am SO blessed to be able to be home with him as much as I am. And being apart has made me realize how good I have it!

I think last time I wrote that Toby was going through a bit of a rough phase behaviorally. I'm glad to report that there has been improvement! He's still an active four year old who loves to have things his way right now, and push the boundaries. But he has responded to my guidance and discipline much better lately (probably in part due to me showing greater patience and consistency with him- after MUCH prayer). And he has been working hard on using his powerful words to communicate calmly, instead of complete breakdown about everything.


Valentine's day was a fun day for us. We made a few Valentines for friends and family. Toby got a few little things from me, including a homemade Valentine! And I was blown away when Toby took it upon himself to make ME a Valentine!!! Telling me things like he's glad I'm his mom, and he loves me no matter what. What a sweet and tender little boy I have (he definitely takes after his dad in the "showing affection" department)!



And actually, Toby showing me much love on Valentine's day was more of a blessing than you can imagine. Because the week before Valentine's day was one of the roughest for me emotionally in quite some time. I was SERIOUSLY missing Anton, and as my mom said "had the blues". There were several things which built up to it, but it all lead me to want to withdraw from life, and just curl up in a ball. But once I took time to process a little of what I was feeling, and take it to the One who could carry my burdens, I felt lighter almost immediately. Pray that I would make time and take the effort to regularly check in on my heart, and let God comfort, heal, can grow me.

So, here's something not-very-important-in-the-eternal-realm that could use some help too...I am TERRIBLE about keeping up with sports, even Carolina basketball. I am ashamed to admit that I didn't even KNOW that Carolina was playing Duke when it happened in February. Usually I at LEAST watch that game!!! Fortunately my dad reminded me yesterday that they were playing again today. So we wore our Carolina blue, talked about rooting for the Heels, made our Tarheel cookies,
and had my dad and step mom over to watch the game (which Carolina won, WOO-HOO!!!). But the thing is, that Toby didn't want to watch it at all! As soon as the TV came on he said "I want to watch one of my shows!" or "I want someone to play with me!" pretty much the whole way through!! One time he even said (this is going to make you shudder in horror) "Is that football game over yet?"!! Anton's son doesn't like watching sports, and doesn't even care that Carolina is playing Duke!!! How could I have let this happen?????!!!!! I'm just so not into sports, it really takes work for me to watch a game, or even know when a game is coming on. And if we don't have sports on at home, how will Toby ever know about them? He's got the "I'm a Tarheel born" thing down pat, it's the "I'm a Tarheel bred" that needs some help!!! Anybody got any bright ideas for me? :)

Alright, that's enough silliness and seriousness for this month. Thanks for keeping up with us on this Blog! Happy early Spring!!

A snippet from our January...

Hey, look at this... I'm actually posting only one month after my last post! Maybe this one won't be crazy long :)

So, the biggest news is about my job. It's great!! I love the people that I work with, they work well together as a team, and have welcomed me wholeheartedly! I truly enjoy the patients and care that I'm able to give them in the midst of their everyday life and battles with cancer. Several patients come for treatment then head off to work. I even had one guy ride his motorcycle to the office to get his chemo! Overall they are much healthier than patients in a hospital, and most come in regularly. So I have a better chance to get to know them and walk alongside them in life, which is a privilege. Working in an outpatient setting has been a nice change of pace for me (especially the hours, and no weekends or holidays!), and given me a lot to learn! I am pretty adept at providing the treatment (which is a lot of what I do), but I am still trying to pick up the different paperwork, billing, appointment making, phone triage, insurance issues, and many other things that are all new to me. My coworkers have been very patient, and are giving me adequate time to learn.

I am off orientation now. So my schedule is erratic, that would be the downside to this position. Because I just fill in with a nurse is out, I don't have a regular schedule. Some weeks I work just one day (and might not know until the night before if someone calls out sick), and other weeks I'll work all week (like if someone is on vacation). There are four full time nurses that I am covering for, and three of them have been working there long enough to accrue five weeks of vacation a year (not to mention sick and other unexpected calls). I should have enough work to keep me busy and help with the paycheck, it just won't be on any kind of routine.

Toby has thoroughly enjoyed his new babysitter and her three year old daughter! For the first few weeks, both kids cried when I would come pick Toby up. They have loved having a new consistent playmate. The flexibility and availability of this babysitter has been and will continue to be tremendously helpful with my work schedule. What a blessing!

But, there have been some issues that have arisen or worsened since I started working. Toby has been less cooperative, more argumentative, at times even disrespectful. And in all honesty, I have not always responded well to him, only adding fuel to the fire. I've been trying to address the problems the last two weeks, but it's still in process. It doesn't help that about the time that I started working Toby stopped taking a nap everyday. So in addition to adjusting to less Mommy time, less time at home, and a new babysitter, he was also getting less sleep (hasn't quite figured out how to make it up at night yet). Please be praying for me to have abundant patience, love, and wisdom when parenting him. Toby is still SUPER sweet and loving though, freely offering "I love you", cuddles and kisses. And even on our hardest days, we still find things that we enjoy about spending time together :)

January 17th marked the two year anniversary of Anton's departure from this earth, and arrival into heavenly glory. I was trying to decide how I wanted to spend the day. I didn't feel up for a big crowd of loved ones around, but at the same time I didn't want it to pass unnoticed. So I asked Toby what we should do to make the day special. He said "Let's write a message to Daddy. And we'll save it and give it to him in a LONG, long time, when we we get to heaven." So that's what we did.

We also had an "Anton" breakfast of pancakes and eggs (one of his favorites to make and eat). And specifically thanked God for the time we shared with him. Otherwise the day was much like any other in our lives, and I was okay with that this year. Well, I also received emails, Facebook messages, cards and phone calls reminding me that we were really not alone, and are continuing to be prayed for. Thank you.

I think one of the reasons that I didn't have a huge desire to make the anniversary feel significant this year, is because I was working through a new loss. In early January (strangely enough, it was almost a week before the anniversary of Anton's death) another young father (Doug T.) from our church in Maryland passed away suddenly in a skiing accident. My friend Sarah T. has now become a widow, and a single mother to five children (ages 2 months to 11 years). I cannot tell you how deeply this has broken my heart. I didn't want another friend to ever have to share in the pain of losing her best friend, partner, and lover. Much less to leave five children without the loving, devoted, involved father that they should have. I am struck again with how broken and ugly this world can be. Suffering and pain are inevitable. I wish so much that Sarah T. and her kids would not have to experience it in this way. But this is how God has allowed their life stories to unfold. And as much as I hate it and am confused by it, I am finding comfort and peace again in the Lord's grace and sovereignty. I have had some communication with Sarah T., and was able to visit her for a short time as well. And I see God's tremendous grace and faithfulness being poured out once again, in the midst of the overwhelming loss and grief. Please pray fervently with me for Sarah T. and her children to mourn well, know God's presence and love, and to have hope and purpose as they press on.

Well, this posting has gone long again (so much for a shorter one!). I'll give you brief rundown of the rest. Last month we celebrated my mom's birthday (I enjoyed a delicious and leisurely lunch with her, and Toby made her a bird house). And last week Toby had his first sleepover. We had one of his friends stay the NIGHT with us while her parents were at a marriage conference! Although sleep wasn't top priority for the kiddos, they had a GREAT time! And I learned that having two four year olds might be more work in some ways (bedtime distraction and teaching lessons on loving one another), but that it also means they always have someone to play with, which means less entertaining on my job description.

Let me close with our current circumstances. It's snowing here! And has been off and on since yesterday. We've accumulated more than two inches at our house. This is the second significant snowfall in two weeks! It's been fun to have a couple of snow days. Sledding down our steep driveway, watching the beauty of gentle snowflakes falling and feeling hemmed in by the white blanket wrapped around us, sipping on hot chocolate, staying home, playing around outside, and Toby's favorite- making snow angels, dozens of them!

Well, I've got to work tomorrow, and still have to watch LOST before I hit the sack. So until next month (or whenever I get to it!), love to you all!

The holidays and more!

Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!!! Sorry I didn't get a chance to post last month. The holidays, traveling, and finding a job made life a little hectic.

Wait, did I just say "finding a job"? Yes indeed I did!!! This coming Monday, Jan. 5, I will be working part -time at a local oncology office (about 25 minutes from our house). I will be giving chemotherapy and other medication, as well as providing education and caring for patients in numerous other ways. It is a good sized oncology practice, with three physicians and they are starting radiation on site as well. I plan to orient for two months, my schedule will be Mon-Thurs, 9am-3pm. After orientation I will work as a fill-in nurse. When another nurse is on vacation or sick I will fill in. So the position does not include benefits (which is fine, I haven't had benefits from work for years), but allows me great flexibility. The office is beautiful (the chemo suite overlooks the mountains) and seems well run. The staff are friendly, several nurses have been there for decades.

I am THRILLED with this job!!!! It is really more than I asked for in many ways. The hours will be no more than 8am-5pm, no weekends or holidays, which was my prayer. I am able to continue my career in Oncology, and keep up many of my skills (like giving chemo). The pay is much better than the hospital offered. There is potential for this to turn into a part-time or full-time position with benefits (when the office grows). I am overflowing with thankfulness about this job!!!

And God has also provided what looks like it's going to be a wonderful childcare situation as well. Unfortuneately the young lady that I mentioned in a previous post is unable to Toby-sit regularly now, because she is starting back in school full-time and accepted a part-time job elsewhere. BUT a mom from our church (Serena) was looking to watch children out of her home. I met her before Christmas, just about the time that my job was coming through. She has a three year old daughter, and they live kind of on the way to my work. We met with Serena and her daughter this week, and we are all excited about how God is working this all out! She will pick Toby up from his preschool on the days that he is in school and is available to watch him for all of the hours that I am working! I am REALLY grateful for a stable childcare situation for Toby, right from the start of the job.

I am really excited about getting back to work, especially at this job. I am looking forward to using those specific brain muscles again, not to mention the paycheck! But this will be quite a big transition for Toby and I. I have not worked in 6 months, and never this many hours or days either. In addition, Toby has not had school for the last two weeks, so we have spent A LOT of time together. Although I feel really good about Serena, this whole childcare situation in someone else's house will be all new as well. Please pray that God will guide us carefully and lovingly through this adjustment time, as He has the other transitions we have faced the last two years.

Okay, let me go back a little bit now and update you on the rest...

I had a great birthday at the end of Novemeber. My friends from church threw me a dessert/party (where I got girl-time, chocolate pound cake, AND presents!). My mom went shopping with Toby, and he hid presents for me in his closet that I opened the morning of my birthday. He had a great time helping make my day special! I got to shop at one of my favorite stores (10,000 Villages One World Market) while my mom babysat, and then celebrated with my family over a Mountainous Eclair from our local bakery. What could be better?

Thanksgiving was full of family time! I hosted the Thanksgiving dinner for my mom's side of the family. But before you get too impressed, I didn't cook the turkey nor the meal. Just one dish (like the rest of us), and provided a lovely location to gather together. My sister and brother-in-law came and we had a wonderful time. Then we went to my aunt and uncle's for dessert (uh, that would be the second dessert actually) to see my dad's side of the family. The next day Toby and I drove to Raleigh, where Anton's mom lives, to spend the weekend with Anton's side of the family. It was a joy to spend some time with them as well! And it is awesome to see Toby playing with his cousins, now he is old enough to play what THEY like to play.

The next week (that would be the first week of December), Toby and I flew up to Maryland to visit with friends before Christmas and my job starting. It was a short trip (probably won't ever be long enough), but we got to see many of the people that we love and miss so very much! Because our house still hasn't sold (please keep praying!), we stayed there during the trip. My good friend Carolyn is living there and paying rent (actually another friend and her son have just moved in as well, see how God is providing despite the circumstances?). It was really weird, and cool to stay in our old house with someone else's stuff. Like being a guest in your own house. But it was a joy to be with her, and to spend time with the high school girls, neighbors, June, Joanna, Cortney, work friends, Sarah & Graceanne, the Moriarty's, and the Palumbo's. I came away so thankful for time with those loved ones, and wishing there was time for more than just a passing conversation for SO many more! We were able to go to Grace EP's (our church in MD) Wed night fellowship dinner, and church on Sunday morning. In many ways it felt like we were just living there again! (I can't decide which picture to post for this trip, so you'll just have to watch the slideshow to see them all!)

Then Christmas came on QUICKLY!!! Toby and I picked out and trimmed a tree; decorated the house; sang and listened to carols; opened Advent calendars; made, bought and wrapped presents; read parts of the story of Jesus' birth each day; baked cookies; and gratefully spent lots of time with family! In preparing for Christmas, as often happens before holidays and such, I missed Anton anew. Although having my parents in town was wonderful and very helpful, it just doesn't replace the man that I was supposed to create and share our family traditions with. I am continuing to learn (and sometime struggle with) what it means to be a single parent, when the expectations were to always have TWO parents in Toby's life. I was again faced and comforted with the truth, however, that "Emmanuel" is true. God is with us, and always has been, even when Anton passed on to heaven. He is has repeatedly shown how faithful and loving He is, despite the brokenness of this world.

Christmas itself was joyful- filled with love, giving and receiving, good food, and remembering the birth of Christ. Christmas Eve was spent at my grandparents house, with my dad's side of the family. Big family, lots of love and laughter! Then we went to a Christmas Eve candlelight service with my mom at a church on Main St, about three blocks away. It was beautiful. My mom stayed the night with us, which was so special! She helped play Santa (in our house we like to pretend that Santa just fills the stockings), and get some of Toby's gifts put together and set up. Christmas morning we enjoyed seeing what Santa put in our stockings (wink, wink), reading about Jesus humble birth, opening gifts from each other, and continuing the McCollum tradition of Christmas-tree shaped pancakes

and singing "Happy Birthday to Jesus". After a much needed nap, we spent Christmas afternoon with my granny (mom's mom). The next day my sister came into town and so we enjoyed more family, food and presents with my mom and dad's side again. I think we had about four Christmas celebrations in total, PHEW!

The new year came in quietly for us, as we are trying to get back to normal after Christmas, and preparing for life as a working mom next week! But we have expressed great thankfulness to God, for His faithfulness and goodness to us this past year. The move to NC was smooth and virtually trouble free. We live in an awesome house and area. I have had abundant time to get us settled in. Despite the fact that I haven't worked in months, and (like the rest of the nation) there have been financial losses, God has provided everything that we have needed and more. I am looking forward to starting the year with a great new job, and consistent childcare. We are part of a solid and loving church here, with good friends, and feel part of the body at large. Living near family and sharing life with them has been a tremendous joy and blessing. We have been able to see loved ones afar, like Anton's family and some friends up in MD more than we anticipated!

Praying that you as well are thankful and anticipating seeing God's goodness in the coming year. We love and miss you all!!