A snippet from our January...

Hey, look at this... I'm actually posting only one month after my last post! Maybe this one won't be crazy long :)

So, the biggest news is about my job. It's great!! I love the people that I work with, they work well together as a team, and have welcomed me wholeheartedly! I truly enjoy the patients and care that I'm able to give them in the midst of their everyday life and battles with cancer. Several patients come for treatment then head off to work. I even had one guy ride his motorcycle to the office to get his chemo! Overall they are much healthier than patients in a hospital, and most come in regularly. So I have a better chance to get to know them and walk alongside them in life, which is a privilege. Working in an outpatient setting has been a nice change of pace for me (especially the hours, and no weekends or holidays!), and given me a lot to learn! I am pretty adept at providing the treatment (which is a lot of what I do), but I am still trying to pick up the different paperwork, billing, appointment making, phone triage, insurance issues, and many other things that are all new to me. My coworkers have been very patient, and are giving me adequate time to learn.

I am off orientation now. So my schedule is erratic, that would be the downside to this position. Because I just fill in with a nurse is out, I don't have a regular schedule. Some weeks I work just one day (and might not know until the night before if someone calls out sick), and other weeks I'll work all week (like if someone is on vacation). There are four full time nurses that I am covering for, and three of them have been working there long enough to accrue five weeks of vacation a year (not to mention sick and other unexpected calls). I should have enough work to keep me busy and help with the paycheck, it just won't be on any kind of routine.

Toby has thoroughly enjoyed his new babysitter and her three year old daughter! For the first few weeks, both kids cried when I would come pick Toby up. They have loved having a new consistent playmate. The flexibility and availability of this babysitter has been and will continue to be tremendously helpful with my work schedule. What a blessing!

But, there have been some issues that have arisen or worsened since I started working. Toby has been less cooperative, more argumentative, at times even disrespectful. And in all honesty, I have not always responded well to him, only adding fuel to the fire. I've been trying to address the problems the last two weeks, but it's still in process. It doesn't help that about the time that I started working Toby stopped taking a nap everyday. So in addition to adjusting to less Mommy time, less time at home, and a new babysitter, he was also getting less sleep (hasn't quite figured out how to make it up at night yet). Please be praying for me to have abundant patience, love, and wisdom when parenting him. Toby is still SUPER sweet and loving though, freely offering "I love you", cuddles and kisses. And even on our hardest days, we still find things that we enjoy about spending time together :)

January 17th marked the two year anniversary of Anton's departure from this earth, and arrival into heavenly glory. I was trying to decide how I wanted to spend the day. I didn't feel up for a big crowd of loved ones around, but at the same time I didn't want it to pass unnoticed. So I asked Toby what we should do to make the day special. He said "Let's write a message to Daddy. And we'll save it and give it to him in a LONG, long time, when we we get to heaven." So that's what we did.

We also had an "Anton" breakfast of pancakes and eggs (one of his favorites to make and eat). And specifically thanked God for the time we shared with him. Otherwise the day was much like any other in our lives, and I was okay with that this year. Well, I also received emails, Facebook messages, cards and phone calls reminding me that we were really not alone, and are continuing to be prayed for. Thank you.

I think one of the reasons that I didn't have a huge desire to make the anniversary feel significant this year, is because I was working through a new loss. In early January (strangely enough, it was almost a week before the anniversary of Anton's death) another young father (Doug T.) from our church in Maryland passed away suddenly in a skiing accident. My friend Sarah T. has now become a widow, and a single mother to five children (ages 2 months to 11 years). I cannot tell you how deeply this has broken my heart. I didn't want another friend to ever have to share in the pain of losing her best friend, partner, and lover. Much less to leave five children without the loving, devoted, involved father that they should have. I am struck again with how broken and ugly this world can be. Suffering and pain are inevitable. I wish so much that Sarah T. and her kids would not have to experience it in this way. But this is how God has allowed their life stories to unfold. And as much as I hate it and am confused by it, I am finding comfort and peace again in the Lord's grace and sovereignty. I have had some communication with Sarah T., and was able to visit her for a short time as well. And I see God's tremendous grace and faithfulness being poured out once again, in the midst of the overwhelming loss and grief. Please pray fervently with me for Sarah T. and her children to mourn well, know God's presence and love, and to have hope and purpose as they press on.

Well, this posting has gone long again (so much for a shorter one!). I'll give you brief rundown of the rest. Last month we celebrated my mom's birthday (I enjoyed a delicious and leisurely lunch with her, and Toby made her a bird house). And last week Toby had his first sleepover. We had one of his friends stay the NIGHT with us while her parents were at a marriage conference! Although sleep wasn't top priority for the kiddos, they had a GREAT time! And I learned that having two four year olds might be more work in some ways (bedtime distraction and teaching lessons on loving one another), but that it also means they always have someone to play with, which means less entertaining on my job description.

Let me close with our current circumstances. It's snowing here! And has been off and on since yesterday. We've accumulated more than two inches at our house. This is the second significant snowfall in two weeks! It's been fun to have a couple of snow days. Sledding down our steep driveway, watching the beauty of gentle snowflakes falling and feeling hemmed in by the white blanket wrapped around us, sipping on hot chocolate, staying home, playing around outside, and Toby's favorite- making snow angels, dozens of them!

Well, I've got to work tomorrow, and still have to watch LOST before I hit the sack. So until next month (or whenever I get to it!), love to you all!